Part II
Welcome to the second part of the journey around my spiritual awakening.
Well, If I am about to explore and share many of my thoughts on life and beyond, I must introduce you to my never ending learning path first!
Like many other people around the globe, the pandemic of Covid-19 was a chance for me to reconnect to my True Self by doing a lot of thinking and contemplation.
I spent lockdown in the countryside and I was blessed to have a river crossing our backyard, sunny days and cold evenings. Good food and nice companies. The scenario was actually perfect for spiritual practices. At this time I started practicing Yoga and meditation on a daily basis and began having experiences of complete relaxation and contentment, feeling my body and mind completely given over to the moment.
With time my intuition started to grow louder and guide me more. Before that I was a person with not so much awareness of my own emotions. I felt too much, but did not know why nor what these feelings were trying to tell me. I cried very easily. It was hard to cope with, specially being a person who feels my emotions and other people’s. So the practice helped me become aware of many traumas and response patterns to some triggering situations.
By the end of the lockdown, my boyfriend at the time wanted to go back to Rio de Janeiro. I felt really sad leaving the valley {a Serra}. I love it there! Nature is simply beautiful. It brings me a sense of fulfillment, like everything is gonna be alright. But, without its constant presence, with time I started feeling depressed. Politics were also making things worse to me and to those around me.
However, a blissful thing happened at this period. We adopted our dog, Linus Pauling, the cutest and smartest dog in the world! His presence brought happiness to the apartment and from this moment on we had a super cute being to give love to. He grew up to be a great dog, full of qualities. I love Linus!
2021 was a hard year and I was feeling very depressed. The night after coming back from a nice vacation I started having skin allergies all over my body. Everything I ate would give me more eruptions on the skin and it itched a lot. I could not eat the things I liked anymore. I could not stay on the sun. I could barely use shorts. I lost the joy of the small things and found no pleasure on going out to meet friends or do Yoga. I underwent many allergy tests, but none of them indicated the cause.
The truth is, I was not content with the life that was being designed in front of my eyes and for some time I also had no courage to change it.
When a climate report from IPCC came out, I was working as a Chemical Engineer and Data Scientist in the chemical industry, so I was very interested in all those scientific models and gave a lot of attention to the predictions, reading and trying to make the best sense of them.
Basically, I understood that our planet was at the limit of what is sustainable. Many balances have been destabilized and nature will very likely adjust things in its own way until it reaches its balance again. That means: extreme climate, heavy rains, tragedies with the ones who have less money being the most vulnerable.
I started to think “okay, there’s no point anymore”. The feeling of hopelessness in humanity hit me. Many questions kept on coming with no reasonable answer. I lost the purpose in all. Now I see that it all happens in the mind. And we all know how hard it is to make a change, especially when society keeps telling you that money and career are the only criteria for success. So for some time I stayed where I was.
In the subsequent year of 2022 I decided to change my life completely. I had to make difficult decisions and ended up deciding to break up and pursuit my own goals and dreams.
I gathered some courage and bought a flight to Berlin. That would be my first trip to Europe on vacation. I met new people, cultures and places. It was very nice! I also met up with a German friend again after five years since we first met. This trip brought me back to the track and reconnected me with my true self. I like exploring and communicating. For me, traveling is the best possible way for that.
Funny enough, because of this trip (and my first Coronavirus infection) my entire life turned upside down. A phenomena started happening and I started witnessing the flow of the Universe – or God’s – plan.
First of all, because I had to stay longer in Europe (in quarantine), I got a very good opportunity within the company I worked for, which would be a dream come true to me. I ended up gaining the chance to work in Germany as a qualified professional, Data Specialist. I had been dreaming about living and working in Germany ever since I was fourteen years old.
The second thing is, this German friend and I fell in love! Nowadays he is my husband (for two years already)! The Universe works in mysterious ways!
There was a period of a lot of excitement and a deep feeling of gratitude for the Divine. My dream was coming true and it was much better than I had ever imagined!
I took my visa, made arrangements and even managed to take my dog Linus with me. It could not be more perfect! I moved to Germany, met new colleagues and was really enjoying the time there. I was learning a lot too. But somehow, in the middle of the project, something started feeling off… like if that was not my dream anymore or it was misaligned with my soul’s true desire. Big expectations also took my ground away. After a couple of months, I got sick again. I started having migraines, dizziness and lots of anxiety before going to work.
Till (my bf at the time) helped me go through this challenging period. Linus’ presence made it much better for me as well. A multicultural relationship makes you see life from different perspectives. In Brazil we are raised to study and work very hard, without breaks, in order to “become someone in life”. Having a relationship with an European, who grew up with more privileges than me, helped me realize that a parcel of people on this planet is allowed to take gap years, explore and travel the world. They have no pressure on figuring out who they want to be for the rest of their lives when they’re only 18.
So, at a particular moment I decided: if they can do it, so can I!
One year after moving to Germany I quit my job in the industry. People would call me either crazy or brave, and ask me if I was sure of my decision, letting go of a promising future with good money to embrace the uncertainty of a path we can not predict. My answer was always “yes, I had never been so sure”. So I plunged into a journey within myself.
Love,
Guta